Open Letter to God
May 22, 2010
You are said to be love, but what kind of love? The Bible, which I’m told is your book, is full of hate, violence, perversion and even the torture of the one claimed to be your very own Son. What kind of love is that, God? Isn’t a loving Father supposed to protect his children from harm?
If you didn’t protect Him, why should I believe you would protect me? Please explain that to me.
Am I looking at this all wrong? If I am, I’m willing to see things your way. Only show me how you see things. You’re God: high, mighty, all-powerful, all-knowing. How am I to understand things on your level? I want to believe that you love me. I really do. I want to be blessed and to feel like your child, but I’m not going to try to fool myself about that. I want more than what this life offers, but I’m not sure that there is more. If there is, you will have to show me.
My friend Reginald died a terrible death. He didn’t believe You existed and I guess that means he went to hell. That’s another bone I have to pick with you. If you are so merciful, where is the mercy? You didn’t hear my prayers for him and for the others I know who suffer. You didn’t heal him. Isn’t it your will that people should be well and whole?
I guess that isn’t as important to you as what can happen to us while we are sick and dying. That’s when our thoughts turn to You and to the eternity that we have made for ourselves while on earth. I wonder what kind of eternity I’m making? I want to believe you are a loving Father. I want to spend eternity with You. What does it take for that to happen? It must be really hard, right? I know I’m a sinner. I know I can’t make myself the perfect holy person you require. So please forgive me. Show me what love is. Show me what I need to see.
Reginald was gay. He never went to church because he wasn’t interested in what church people said or did. To be truthful, I’m not very interested either. Will that mean an eternity in hell? Please don’t condemn me to that, God. Instead show me your mercy. That’s what I need most. I’m counting on you, God. There isn’t anyone else who can take care of this. You’re the One, the only One.
Someone Who Wants to Understand